For those of you who’ve been following my fitness journey, you may already know that I am a HUGE advocate for self love, balance, and sustainability - and openly talk about overcoming personal traumas related to extreme bullying and body dysmorphia. But, rarely do I openly talk about the ripple effect that these past traumas have on my everyday life.
From the outside, it may look like I have it all together.
From the outside, it may look like I never have to deal with the effects of those traumas ever again.
Now, if you didn’t really KNOW me, I may just look like someone who lost a dramatic amount of weight and is now passionately (and somewhat, confidently) sharing her knowledge and expertise to other women looking to completely transform their body, mind & lives, too.
But truthfully, I don’t think the effects of those personal traumas will ever truly ever go away.
I still experience crippling anxiety, panic attacks and self doubt
I still catch myself looking in the mirror and not feeling satisfied with what I see
I still have moments where I feel so inadequate, nothing seems worth doing anymore
I still spend nights where I cry myself to sleep, because that same old story keeps playing over and over in my mind, telling me that I’m not worthy, that I don’t deserve “_____”
These habits, feelings and reactions have been ingrained into my subconscious after YEARS of being told I wasn’t good enough - by peers, teachers, and strangers - and they are all things I am still constantly working on improving, even today. But each day I consciously make the effort to work through these issues, I notice myself feeling better, stronger and more capable than the day before. The good days seem to go on forever, and the bad days are fewer and farther between.
But they still happen.
And I feel like it’s SO important to acknowledge that they still happen instead of just giving you guys the highlight reel all the time. Because I’m just as normal as any one of you. I still struggle with obstacles that feel so far beyond my control. And that’s completely OKAY.
What I do differently NOW that I didn’t do then, is that I NO LONGER GIVE THOSE MOMENTS THE POWER to dictate how I lead my days, weeks, months and years. I allow those moments to pass. I’ll cry if I need to. And then I’ll take a deep breath, and move on.
Because I’m on a mission to live my BEST life - and, girl, I’ve got work to do.
Who else experiences anxiety from past traumas? How do you control those not-so-fun times in your life? Comment below!
With love and wellness,
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